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Trying to find:
Jul. 22nd, 2009 | 11:57 am
music: Fake Blood - The Black Ghosts - Any Way You Choose To Give It (Fake Blood Remix) | Powered by Last.f
Les Petits Pilous. <3
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How Cliché.
Jun. 14th, 2009 | 04:00 am
mood: 
cynical
B is for believing you'd always be here for me
E is for everything, even when we'd see it though
C, C is for seeing through you, you are a fake, which brings me to...
A because, because, you always run away
I never finish phrases I misspell
An open arm's a prison cell
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was
So when you start to wonder
about the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never ever
Speak for someone
You
don't
know
E is for everything, even when we'd see it though
C, C is for seeing through you, you are a fake, which brings me to...
A because, because, you always run away
I never finish phrases I misspell
An open arm's a prison cell
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was
So when you start to wonder
about the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never ever
Speak for someone
You
don't
know
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I hope my body can take it.
Jun. 12th, 2009 | 05:08 pm
mood: 
anxious
Last night was awesome! My two best friends, Gary and Ryan, came up. We played halo 3[which I still rock at, undefeated the whole night, sorry guys, ha], left 4 dead, blasted music, and got donuts. Basically, I need to get my shit together by august so I can move to Rosa.
I have a few things that I need to pay off. Melissa needs 70 dollars, gotta renew my registration, pay rent, car insurance, fucking pay 130 dollars to the state for a stupid ticket and yeah, just gay. But, if I can get that payed off, Ryan said it would be cool for me to stay with him in Healdsburg for a while to save up some dough. Plus, I might get a job at the same restaraunt that him and Gary work at, Barndiva. Fatty tips brah!
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to get sorted quick. Going to the jc, workin' at a shnazzy restaurant, and coming home to video games and screamo every night. So effing badass.
Please jesus. Gimme a miracle of hella cash and good luck. >_<
Ps: Fuck you Ukiah.
I have a few things that I need to pay off. Melissa needs 70 dollars, gotta renew my registration, pay rent, car insurance, fucking pay 130 dollars to the state for a stupid ticket and yeah, just gay. But, if I can get that payed off, Ryan said it would be cool for me to stay with him in Healdsburg for a while to save up some dough. Plus, I might get a job at the same restaraunt that him and Gary work at, Barndiva. Fatty tips brah!
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to get sorted quick. Going to the jc, workin' at a shnazzy restaurant, and coming home to video games and screamo every night. So effing badass.
Please jesus. Gimme a miracle of hella cash and good luck. >_<
Ps: Fuck you Ukiah.
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The way I really feel.
Jun. 10th, 2009 | 12:10 am
I'm not ready to move on. My heart is telling me to keep trying and to hold on to whatever hope is left. I'm going to keep following it. I just... more than anything... want to hold you and feel our hearts beat in sync with each other's again.
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:(
Jun. 6th, 2009 | 09:34 pm
mood: 
grateful
Keep me, here up on top of the mountains.
Far away from all distress, far away from all distress.
Save me, free me from all these distractions.
Violence filled interactions. save me,
But keep me awake.
I can't seem to find a place to fit into without all these lies. I can't even argue and to tell you the truth
now that I've wondered throughout all these cities, through bright white street lights even thought they're so pretty,
I just can't believe you.
(And when I'm alone, please just pick up the phone)
You'll feel better once you come back home
We'll say just forget about all of the things you can't save.
(Take a ride out of town)
Find some place you can call your own, find yourself a new home.
(Cause I'm wondering now and how i'll get by)
Where you're never alone.
(Just keep wishing that something would change in my life)
Go ahead, run away.
Try to find myself and take a chance.
Cause the roads that we take can confine us or set us free.
Make your path, don't you break. Just need to get away.
And you've been so tied up with your life take a break from it.
Or you won't last.
I'lll give you my trust, please don't break it.
Hiding from all the things, I can't help but be scared.
Leaving now starting fresh, hoping i come prepared.
Say the words and I'll try, finding faith in their lies.
Don't give up to my word, come on just let me know.
Trying hard to be brave, but you just run away.
Some things just never change, don't you dare be afraid.
Pack your things, leave this town, reminisce for awhile.
But we'll never go home.
I'll give you my trust, please don't ever break it.
Far away from all distress, far away from all distress.
Save me, free me from all these distractions.
Violence filled interactions. save me,
But keep me awake.
I can't seem to find a place to fit into without all these lies. I can't even argue and to tell you the truth
now that I've wondered throughout all these cities, through bright white street lights even thought they're so pretty,
I just can't believe you.
(And when I'm alone, please just pick up the phone)
You'll feel better once you come back home
We'll say just forget about all of the things you can't save.
(Take a ride out of town)
Find some place you can call your own, find yourself a new home.
(Cause I'm wondering now and how i'll get by)
Where you're never alone.
(Just keep wishing that something would change in my life)
Go ahead, run away.
Try to find myself and take a chance.
Cause the roads that we take can confine us or set us free.
Make your path, don't you break. Just need to get away.
And you've been so tied up with your life take a break from it.
Or you won't last.
I'lll give you my trust, please don't break it.
Hiding from all the things, I can't help but be scared.
Leaving now starting fresh, hoping i come prepared.
Say the words and I'll try, finding faith in their lies.
Don't give up to my word, come on just let me know.
Trying hard to be brave, but you just run away.
Some things just never change, don't you dare be afraid.
Pack your things, leave this town, reminisce for awhile.
But we'll never go home.
I'll give you my trust, please don't ever break it.
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Feh.
Apr. 16th, 2009 | 11:05 pm
mood: distressed
music: Schwardix Marvally - VIRGIN MARY | Powered by Last.fm
Getting Thai food today was fun. Wasting two hours dealing with the cops was not so fun.
I'm sitting at home, trying to find something to do, lamenting the fact that I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Not only that, but I won't see Melissa tomorrow, and probably won't see her the day after. Ugh. Tomorrow night won't even be that fun, I mean, I'm so over the magic decks I currently have, but don't have the cash to go out and purchase the cards for the one I want. ;_;
God damn! I'm so bored. There's nothing to do. I don't have friends to call up. My ds is dead and I can't find the charger. Not that I really want to play Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2. Then Scott tells me he wants to do recruit a friend on World of Warcraft, but is too drunk to follow through. Fuck it all! I hate everyone right now and want something to do...
I want my girlfriend.
I'm sitting at home, trying to find something to do, lamenting the fact that I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Not only that, but I won't see Melissa tomorrow, and probably won't see her the day after. Ugh. Tomorrow night won't even be that fun, I mean, I'm so over the magic decks I currently have, but don't have the cash to go out and purchase the cards for the one I want. ;_;
God damn! I'm so bored. There's nothing to do. I don't have friends to call up. My ds is dead and I can't find the charger. Not that I really want to play Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2. Then Scott tells me he wants to do recruit a friend on World of Warcraft, but is too drunk to follow through. Fuck it all! I hate everyone right now and want something to do...
I want my girlfriend.
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Your gift horse has brought flies.
Apr. 16th, 2009 | 10:56 pm
mood: anxious
music: Running, please wait...
And the stench is unbearable
I'm left with no option,
But to embrace apathy and loneliness
Hoping that I die
Took a train to new york city,
Met a girl I thought was pretty
Tiny strands of skin could never hold a whole,
Begging to nurse its mouth to health
Strip the skin from the inside out
You didnt think they'd notice
(you looked them straight in the face)
I always knew we'd watch them die
I'm left with no option,
But to embrace apathy and loneliness
Hoping that I die
Took a train to new york city,
Met a girl I thought was pretty
Tiny strands of skin could never hold a whole,
Begging to nurse its mouth to health
Strip the skin from the inside out
You didnt think they'd notice
(you looked them straight in the face)
I always knew we'd watch them die
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Academy Awards.
Apr. 3rd, 2009 | 02:23 am
music: A Skylit Drive - Hey Nightmare, Where Did You Get Them Teeth | Powered by Last.fm
"Have you ever really danced on the edge
Is something still scaring you
Have you ever really danced on the edge
The count of three is up
Have you ever really danced on the edge
Alright then tell me so
Have you ever really danced on the edge
Just hold my hand and jump"
This person is you, Melissa, the love of my life. Ain't never gonna find another one like you.
I've only been in one other real relationship [if you want to call it that], aside from you. And to be quite honest, I feel so lucky to have fallen into being with you. This is the kind of love that people take lifetimes to find.
I want to say thank you so much and let you know just how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I really don't know what I would have done without you. Thanks again.
I love you, Melissa.
Is something still scaring you
Have you ever really danced on the edge
The count of three is up
Have you ever really danced on the edge
Alright then tell me so
Have you ever really danced on the edge
Just hold my hand and jump"
I'd like to thank God.
There is something that has been on my chest for a while now that I must vent. I've been pondering this fact a lot lately. There is someone who has been there with me through everything. No matter what, she's been by my side, holding my hand, ready to help me through all of my hardships. This person is you, Melissa, the love of my life. Ain't never gonna find another one like you.
I've only been in one other real relationship [if you want to call it that], aside from you. And to be quite honest, I feel so lucky to have fallen into being with you. This is the kind of love that people take lifetimes to find.
I want to say thank you so much and let you know just how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I really don't know what I would have done without you. Thanks again.
I love you, Melissa.
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Dream deck: [Magic The Gathering]
Mar. 28th, 2009 | 09:56 pm
mood: nerdy
music: of Montreal - Touched Something's Hollow | Powered by Last.fm
4x Counterspell [x]
4x Rewind
4x Hermetic Study
4x Treachery
2x Bribery [1/2]
1x Time Spiral
4x Morphling [2/4] <- want japanese copies! ^_^
4x Masticore
4x Worn Powerstone
4x Grim Monolith
3x Voltaic Key
2x Mox Diamond [1/2]
2x Tolarian Academy
18x Island
Total Price: $190-200.00
4x Rewind
4x Hermetic Study
4x Treachery
2x Bribery [1/2]
1x Time Spiral
4x Morphling [2/4] <- want japanese copies! ^_^
4x Masticore
4x Worn Powerstone
4x Grim Monolith
3x Voltaic Key
2x Mox Diamond [1/2]
2x Tolarian Academy
18x Island
Total Price: $190-200.00
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I'm not o-fucking-kay.
Mar. 6th, 2009 | 12:35 am
mood: 
blank
music: Sorry You're Not A Winner-Enter Shikari
I fucking hate myself. I don't feel good enough for anyone anymore. Worthless.
I feel as if there are demons plaguing my insides and tearing me apart.
By all means I should be happier now than I have been in what seems like a millenia. I've just got a place of my own, which I'm slowly filling with sweet shit. I'm still with the one I love and I think things are finally starting to take a turn for the better. Just to name a few things that I consider good...
Why am I so miserable? I cannot say, for if I do, I'll be condemned and shunned. It's mind bottling.
So I will bite my tongue and wait until I naturally forget and numb myself into bliss. Oh how I lament and hold a grudge against god. Twisted and stretched, my heart bleeds out. I lay in this bed of roses, perfectly still. Afraid to move for fear of disturbing beauty and falling deeper into the thorns.
What the fuck am I even talking about?! I think I'll vent onto the pages of my sketchbook.
I feel as if there are demons plaguing my insides and tearing me apart.
By all means I should be happier now than I have been in what seems like a millenia. I've just got a place of my own, which I'm slowly filling with sweet shit. I'm still with the one I love and I think things are finally starting to take a turn for the better. Just to name a few things that I consider good...
Why am I so miserable? I cannot say, for if I do, I'll be condemned and shunned. It's mind bottling.
So I will bite my tongue and wait until I naturally forget and numb myself into bliss. Oh how I lament and hold a grudge against god. Twisted and stretched, my heart bleeds out. I lay in this bed of roses, perfectly still. Afraid to move for fear of disturbing beauty and falling deeper into the thorns.
What the fuck am I even talking about?! I think I'll vent onto the pages of my sketchbook.
